Where Nature’s end of language is declin’d,
And men talk only to conceal the mind.
- Edward Young, Love of Fame. Satire II.
THEM: Hello, Mr. Porter: Kindle Direct Publishing will be phasing out check payments to publishers in your country by the end of the year. We noticed that as of August 11, 2017, you have accrued royalties for content sold through KDP, but the accumulated amount has not yet met the threshold to be paid by the check payment method set up in your account. To receive your royalties, sign up for direct deposit, also known as Electronic Funds Transfer (EFT), by following the steps outlined in on our Help page: https://kdp.amazon.com/help/topic/A2EZLXTY272RMW After you switch to direct deposit, the change will take effect immediately. You will be paid in full for all of your sales and pages read, regardless of the amount, and in your local currency, approximately 60 days after the end of the month in which the royalties accrued. Have a question? Contact us htttps://kdp.amazon.com/contact-us
Kind regards,
The Kindle Direct Publishing Team
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ME Send me a check when the amount is sufficient and then cancel the account. Thanks.
Hello, Mr Porter, Thank you for writing back. I understand your concern. However, please know that it is our first priority to honor the requests of our publishers [THAT'S ME. - C.P.]. Since you've requested that you would like to receive your payment only via check, please be assured that we will process your check once the royalties reach the payment threshold. Having said that, if you would like to share any of your concerns or reasons for requesting a check instead of an Electronic Funds Transfer payment, please do let us know so that we can share your comments as feedback to our Business team so that they can consider your input in improving our platform and also improving the experience of our authors and publishers. Also, if there is anything that we can do on the issue, we'll surely do out best and make sure that the issue is resolve on priority basis for you. Thank you for using Amazon KDP.
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ME: Would you like to know why?
Hello, Mr. Porter, Thanks for reaching out to Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP). I checked our records and see that you have opted Check as the payment method. Please be assured that we'll issue the payments as soon as you reach $100 threshold and will close the account as per request. If you need any additional assistance with this, or any other matter, don't hesitate on contacting back and we'll be more than glad to help with your request. Thanks for your understanding and continued support. We will remain at your disposition for further assistance.
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ME: The reason I'm closing the account is the same reason I insist on payment by check. The reason is that I can't access the account to change over to bank payments or for any other purpose. I can't access the account to do anything. Amazon has frozen me out of my own account, including my third party bookselling account. So anybody that wants to buy a book from me will never get a reply by email. Every time I try to log in I get a message saying "We need to verify your identity, we'll send a code", but they NEVER DO IT. I've complained by email, phone, registered mail, they call me, run around in circles a little bit, nothing ever happens. They just don't care. I got a personal call from their headquarters and the woman said, "Oh, I'll talk to the management", or something. Nothing. No change. They've got a complaint page, 27 pages of complaints from people like me. I tried to complain, since you can use any email address, but it wouldn't post my comment because it said "Verified book purchase required", so there's another way to eliminate people.
It's the end of August now and it's been like this since April 1917.
I do not wish to deal with Amazon. I would not deal with amazon if they were the last company on the face of the earth. They can go to hell.
[The last two messages were received directly from Amazon. What did I do to deserve such an honour? Note the manner in which they always pretend to misunderstand what you are saying]:
THEM: Hello, Please write to us with why you would like to close your account and why you would like to receive the payment by Check. In case, if you do not want to share your bank account information with us, because of this reason you would like to receive your payment via Check, please note, direct deposit, also known as electronic funds transfer (EFT) is the most secure way to receive your royalty payments. Rest assured that, please k now ensuring the security of publisher account information is our top priority. Please write back to us with your concerns about the Check Elimination and we are ready to support our customers. We always welcome inputs from publishers like yours, who invest their time and efforts with us and look up to us. Thanks for your understanding and support. We will remain at your disposition for further assistance.
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ME AGAIN: They've got a complaints page, 27 pages of complaints from people like me. I tried to complain, since you can use any email address, but it wouldn't post my comment because it said "Verified book purchase required", so there's another way to eliminate people. They can go to hell.
The email associated with the account is info@cistellatrixbooks.com. If people are going to be unable to contact me, rather than have them all complaining for years about my lousy service, why don't you just CLOSE THE BOOKSELLER ACCOUNT? And after that you can GO TO HELL.
Hello Mr Porter, I hope you're having a great day today. I understand that you want to close your account, I'll be happy to help you. I'm really sorry for contacting you again without a confirmation of your account closure, but for us to be able to close your account we need you to please unpublish the book that you currently have live "Nicht schuldig in Nürnberg" ASIN: B00FUQ5ZZO, since we're not allowed to close account with active books. Once you unpublish this book from your account please notify us to kdp-support@amazon.com, and we'll close your account as you want. There's no need to explain us the reason why you want to close your account, but please work with us with this request of unpublishing the book so we can help you close your account. To un-publish a title: 1. Log in: http://kdp.amazon.com/ 2. Go to your Bookshelf and click on the ellipsis button (???) under the Book Actions menu next to the book you want to unpublish, then select "Unpublish." 3. Confirm the Title and ASIN shown in the confirmation window are correct and click "Unpublish." I look forward to hearing from you with your confirmation that your book is unpublished in order to close your account. In the meantime, I hope you have lovely day.
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ME: You're a little bit stupid, did you know that?
[No answer]
Jeff Bezos as God